I am “that” girl you hate
The point of view of the girl who does not allow men to get away with it. The friend who you do not listen. That feminist society hates. If you are like me, this is for you. If you are the one hating me, read this too.
I have never been liked. I am the girl everybody wants to sleep with but never date. I am the girl in high school who was chatting with her “friends” after class and one girl just pick aside in front of everyone and told her she hated her. But everyone went silent. Nobody said anything. I just breathed and said, then: “Who are you?” She went nuts. The rest just laughed. I guess, she had some issues with the fact that I had nothing to say. I am the girl who used to cross paths with you in college and you though she was a mean bitch, until you met her for a project, of course, then you would tell her again and again how nice she is even though she has an aura that scares the shit out of everyone. So you know, those comments hurt. Do not say anything like this to anyone, you have no right.
Now lets get serious, shall we? I am not saying I am the anti-hero on my own story. But after listening the new album of Taylor Swift this year, in particular her homonymous song, I have been wondering about my life a lot more than usual. I know I am a Leo and that this is the beginning of my villain era and all that stuff but still: I’m so tired. And I do not mean it as something some says after a bad day, I really mean it. I have broken all my friendships, as I have decided to call them after quite a lot of meditation; I have started a new chapter in my life. I even met and started planning trips with a lovely girl I met at university when came to Spain for her Erasmus, I barely know her, but she is better than those who have known me for ages. She went back home, obviously, but we have not stopped chatting. And I love that. She is the kind of friend I always wanted, and I appreciate it. I met another girl, she lives in India, lovely girl, she is a Marketing mastermind and I want to learn a lot form her. These two new stories are just beginning, and I hope there are many new chapters there. But that is out of the question.
But you may think now: “Wait, Sarai, why are you telling me this?” First of all, I am not looking for your pity. I do not even know you, and I do not care about your opinion. I just want to make you think about how your actions may affect someone. Even if you think what you did or commented are just “not that deep.” You never know what someone is going through. Literally, never. Even if you have been friends for ages, nobody tells everything to their friends, there are always secrets, hidden opinions, experiences, etc. And sometimes, your opinion is not required or even important. I have never judged someone, I have never gossiped about someone, and I have never made somebody feel awful, at least on purpose. And when I have made someone feel bad about themselves or hurt their feelings, I have apologized. I am not a bad person; I am just direct.
People fear me, they have told me, like several times. I have always been concerned, until one of my new friends, let’s call her Lucy, explained to me something one day I had a breakdown and I called her really sad, hope it helps you. She said: “People hate you because they would like to be as confident as you. They hate you because they cannot play you. People fear you because you are not scared of them. They want to humiliate you because they cannot stand the fact that you always get what you want, that you are yourself regardless of what they think, and that is the most iconic and precious thing I have ever witnessed.”
Lucy then told me what was her opinion of me when she first noticed me in class in college. She said: “I remember coming the first day, you were wearing a cute outfit, you walked in with your head high and pretty hair and amazing makeup, you greeted everyone, even me, and you didn’t even know me. I had chosen the sit behind you, you smelled amazing.” I laughed to this, but she interrupted me and said “You were always nice, and always doing something completely unrelated to that class, even though you were in the first row. I noticed you were reading or preparing something way more interesting that what was commented in class, once you asked for a pen or something to me, you knew my name, I felt shocked. Once the teacher didn’t show up, you looked bored and started talking to me. I fell in love at first talk, let’s say. You were funny, interesting and we loved the same books, you did not like partying, drinking, or whatever. You were confident, and opinionated but you let me speak about anything, we sometimes disagreed, but you never let me feel bad for my different opinions. And after the professor came and the class finished you asked for my number, and here we are.”
Afterwards I asked her why she did not talk to me first. She said “I thought you would never want to talk to me, I am shy and I thought you would not want to be friends with me.” That hurt my feelings in a way I have never experienced before. Nobody had explained this to me. I was shocked. “So, is my appearance, the way I talk?” I answered. She began then “No, no, is how you carry yourself. But it is not your problem, it is mine. You help me with that now though, without noticing, I guess, I have become more unapologetic and more confident with time, I can tell. And I love it.” And the last fragment is my favorite part: “I do not want you to feel sad about this, I loved seeing you like this [confident and opinionated], I wanted to be like you. I love the fact we are friends now; I have learnt a lot from you.” And I have learnt a lot from her: how to be more vulnerable, how to listen better to others, she has recommended me more self-help books I love…
I think the problem with how people treat each other, especially to women like me is how we are represented. How only the “good” character’s point of view is presented, the shy girl, the “good girl.” This is, again, the result of the Madonna whore complex. A great example of this are just some exceptions to the rule in literature and mass media, you can count them with the fingers of one hand, but I will expose the best example, apart from the figure of Ms. Taylor Swift and Maddy Perez from Euphoria. Because sometimes, the social conceptions are so strong, I can also fall for them.
I remember reading Sarah J Maas Acotar series and thinking: “Wow, that Nesta is a bitch.” But when I read Acosf I just could not stop crying. I read the book in one night. The next day, I reread it. I loved it, but I hated it more. Why? I am just like Nesta. And I judged her just as everybody did and does to me every single say. I will never forget that feeling, that was the worst sensation I have ever felt in my entire life. But, why? Why are people so cruel with us? Or, let me rephrase it: Why are we perceived as we have no feelings or like we are not good people? I have a theory: we are confident, so we are desired by men, and hated by our fellow women. We are unapologetic and opinionated, as much as beautiful, so we are not valued in positions of power or considered more than just trouble for society and those who are “above us.” I cannot recall how many times I have been call ‘guapa’ (pretty in English), ‘princesa’ (princess in English), and many other names in business meetings. Once I was in an important reunion and my possible partner asked me for a coffee and turned all his attention to his cell phone. And, of course was completely inappropriate and interrupted me all the meeting.
Men desire us because we are what they really like. But we are not wifey material because we are too much to handle and they cannot control us. Women hate us because their men do like us too much. So, what do we get? I have been focusing in my career and myself since the Global Pandemic (yes, it goes in capitals, it is still happening after 3 years), I have started new traditions, new beginnings, I have met great people, too early to categorize them as friends, though. But I am eager to discover what future holds for me.
If you are a Nesta, just like me, and you want to feel better, here is my little piece of advice. I know you have not asked, and I have no right, but if you are interested: cut all the toxic relationships you feel that are not serving you. If you have friends who do not support your projects, aka do not like or emotionally support you, they do not even answer your texts after at least 1 day or writing them, cut them off. Writing a text takes 1 f* minute, they are just not interested, not busy. I work, I attend 6 different social media, I have meetings every day, plus I do all my housework and take care of a dog, and I answer all my texts the same day they message me. If I have time, they do too.
After cutting off all those “friendships” and relationships, I discovered a new calmness. I have never felt better in my life. I love to be alone, and I have never felt healthier and in peace. I think that this is what we should all aspire. And for those who feel the need to call us names, to humiliate us in public: go to therapy, you are the problem.
Source Credit: This article originally appeared on Wall Street International by . Read the original article - https://www.meer.com/en/71440-i-am-that-girl-you-hate